This was a fun joke I sent out to my colleagues after our staff meeting to see if anyone actually bothered to read the minutes. The idea came to me when someone in another meeting I attended made a sassy comment about senior leadership and jokingly said to the administrative assistant, “don’t put that in the meeting minutes”. I thought, hmm, what if I created a set of meeting minutes that only had notes that shouldn’t be included in the meeting minutes. Anyway, I had a fun time writing it and I hope you have a fun time reading it.
Concurrent Enrollment Staff Meeting Minutes
Welcome
- Brandon introduced the meeting and welcomed everyone
Shared Calendar
- Reviewed the shared calendar for upcoming tasks and events
- Trudy brought up the need to prioritize student success
- Brandon said student success is a low priority right now. That process improvement and data gathering is significantly more important.
- Trudy said that was asinine and backwards
- Brandon laughed awkwardly and moved onto the next agenda item
Process Improvement Tasks
- Waded asked who was responsible for treats
- Trudy said they make great cookies at Crumbl
- Amber mentioned that Ruby Snap cookies are actually better
- Robert said he didn’t like Ruby Snap
- Brandon suggested we take a vote
- Wade said that voting would be pointless because the answer was clear and plus we were getting off topic and it doesn’t solve the problem that there are no treats.
- Brandon laughed awkwardly and there was a long silence.
- Trudy interrupted the silence by bringing up the backward department priorities
- David showed up late w/treats while Brandon and Trudy were going back and forth about what the department priorities should be. They weren’t from Crumbl or Ruby Snap. Mostly fruit and veggies.
- Wade raised his hand in frustration.
- Brandon laughed awkwardly and ignored Wade.
- Becky suggested we process map the process for process mapping process improvement tasks.
- Brandon lit up and opened Microsoft Visio.
- There were some technical issues and it took Brandon about 15 minutes to get Visio running. He decided it was best to move on to the next agenda item.
Data Dashboard Review
- Microsoft Office was slow and it took Brandon another 15 minutes to pull up the data dashboard.
- The liaison dashboard showed that Wade had far out performed everyone else in his liaison visits. The group turned to Wade to congratulate him, but he had disappeared mysteriously.
- David began discussing the psychological phenomena known as selective attention, and discussed recent studies that we could potentially leverage to manipulate more students into taking concurrent enrollment classes, regardless of whether they wanted to participate or not. Brandon agreed and David and Brandon trailed off in philosophical ideation.
- Brandon decided it would be worth our time to watch the YouTube video with the mystery gorilla that shows up in the middle of the basketball game without anyone noticing.
- After the video, we heard a crunch and turned to see Wade back in his seat . . . with a cookie. A Crumbl cookie.
- Robert fell off his chair. Becky cursed. Everyone stared at Wade.
- Brandon continued to go through the dashboard but no one could concentrate with Wade and his cookie.
The meeting was adjourned 20 minutes late.